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September 13, 2009

Richie Rich, A$$hole

Welcome to Richville, USA... Population:20. Actually there are lots of other people that live here, but they're poor, so they don't count.
This is Richie Rich. His weekly allowance could feed every starving child on the planet, but where's the fun and derring-dough in that? He's talking to his token poor pal, Freckles Friendly, a bright plucky young man who will never amount to anything because his parents are crackheads who deserted him when he was two. That's the breaks, kid.
Richie has thought of a great idea how he can help his poor friend, who has to make a living for himself working nine jobs a day. Freckles used to work ten jobs a day, but he found that two hours of sleep was his minimum requirement.
Richie is sad because his friend sometimes has to work out in the rain, and he doesn't even have a butler to hold his umbrella for him.
Richie has a lot of butlers, and maids, and chauffeurs who are only too willing to service his every need. They are all poor too, but sometimes Richie lets them smell his allowance. And they always get a can of honey roasted peanuts, every Christmas. It's just The Riches little way of saying "You mean as much to this family as a circus elephant!"
Freckles is really excited. He is imagining that his pal has finally realized that just one of the stacks of cash The Riches use as fire kindling can pay for the kidney operation Freckle's brother Pee-Wee so desperately needs to survive. He thinks Richie may have hired a pianist to celebrate the good news!
But Richie Rich, the richest little boy in the world, has had no such epiphany. Heartbroken Freckles Friendly, his anticipatory smile frozen on his face, will have to keep working those 9 jobs.
Freckles is too nice a guy to tell Richie Rich what he REALLY thinks of Richie's surprise, but I can say it.

You're a real heartle$$ a$$hole.

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